


Because of You

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [9]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Idols, JB's injury, M/M, Song fic, fly era, so sickfic I guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 20:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20823203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Just days before Got7 is set to kick off their first world tour Jaebum gets the worst news an idol could receive: he's injured and isn't able to perform for an indefinite amount of time. During his recovery he is reminded of how much his members mean to him and discovers that maybe one of them means more to him than he had realized.





	Because of You

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069)
> 
> This fic is based on 'You Are' which was released in October 2017 off of their album 7 for 7

Injured. 

Jaebum stared up at the bars on the underside of the bunk bed above him, feeling utterly useless. 

Three days before their first concert, their first world tour, Jaebum gets _injured_. Herniated spinal disc. Three days before arguably the biggest day of Got7's career after their debut. Weeks of practice and years of building a fanbase and music repertoire and Jaebum, the leader, injures himself and is unable to perform. He let the fans down, he let his members down and he let himself down. 

He'd been feeling some discomfort in his back for a few days but that's wasn't exactly something new. The endless rehearsals and hectic schedule kept him busy and active and all of his muscles had a dull ache to them at the end of the day. But this was different. When he'd stood up after laying down during a break it felt like he couldn't breathe. The pain was so intense it felt like it was squeezing his lungs and shot painfully down his left leg. 

He'd collapsed back to the floor with a cry of pain and needed his manager _and_ Mark to help him get to his feet again before letting the manager take him to the hospital. 

Herniated spinal disc was the result. The doctors weren't terribly surprised by the injury, it wasn't exactly common among dancers outside ballet but it certainly wasn't uncommon either. The doctor had explained it at the time but Jaebum hadn't really been listening beyond the words 'spinal injury.' It has sounded serious and Jaebum's brain kind of shut down, fears for not only the concert, but his _career_ suffocating him. 

It wasn't as dramatic as Jaebum feared. The spine had small jelly-like discs holding the vertebrae in place and supporting the spine. A herniation happened when that jelly was pushed outward, pressing against the nerves that ran through the spine. It sounded horrible but it wasn't actually that serious. His was minor enough that he didn't even need surgery, he'd be fine with rest and rehab.

But laying in bed while his members performed a concert he wasn't able to be in felt utterly defeating at that moment. 

He wasn't even laying in his bed! The bed he shared with Youngjae was on the floor. The floor which seemed impossibly far away at the moment, to get onto or off of. He was sleeping in Jackson's bed for the foreseeable future. 

His doctors were kind, trying to tell Jaebum that it wasn't his fault. Usually discs herniated from twisting or lifting in the wrong position and without making sure the weight was centered properly, but sometimes discs just broke down on their. It didn't make Jaebum feel any better. He was assigned to physiotherapy for rehab, was given stretches to do to help build up his core muscles and the muscles in his back which would help keep his spine in proper alignment when he danced in the future. 

All Jaebum heard was that he wasn't strong enough, and he'd let his team down because of it. 

He grabbed his phone and opened twitter, searching the Got7 tag and trying to decide if the pictures and videos of the boys smiling and running around the stage made him feel better or worse. 

He was on doctor ordered bedrest for a few days. The physio would help for long term recovery but at the moment there was too much inflammation. He needed to stop moving completely for two days before returning to very restricted movement and exercise. His life was now going to be a fine line between stretches and strengthening exercises while at the same time not moving enough to re-aggravate it. 

He'd forced his managers to let him at least stand on stage for the ending ments on opening night the night before. He wasn't allowed to perform—he couldn't have even if he wanted to—but he _insisted_ on at least going out at the end. He wanted to be the one to explain what happened, apologize in person, and ask the fans to take care of the members for him while he was unable to perform. 

He wasn't so lucky for their second concert in Seoul so instead he lay a bed that wasn't his own surrounded by Jackson’s plushie collection and watched what he could of the concert from the photos and videos their fans posted. 

The fans were _so_ happy and so excited by what they saw, which filled Jaebum with both pride and devastation. He was over the moon that the fans were so happy. Got7 had struggled with their Korean fanbase compared to other idol groups so to see such positive feedback was incredible. But he should have been with them. He wanted to be up on that stage with them, soaking in the moment alongside his members. 

He shut off his phone and put it beside him. He was not going to let himself wallow in misery and self loathing even though he wanted to. He needed to be strong for his members and for the fans. He couldn't support them on stage but he could damn well make sure he didn't give them anything else to worry about. 

Feeling hungry he decided to try and get up and move around on his own. He'd been laying down since Jinyoung had helped him up to go to the bathroom hours ago and the rest of his body was seizing up. 

He carefully pushed himself into a seated position, pausing when he was perched on the edge of Jackson's bed to make sure all was well before pushing up, making sure to use his legs and keep his back as straight as he could while doing it. He flinched when his first step sent pain shooting around his waist and down his leg, the second and third steps too, but the pain faded the more he walked and he was relatively okay by the time he reached the kitchen. 

He eyed their snack cupboard distastefully, cursing the fact that it was so high and in an awkward corner where he knew he shouldn't be reaching so instead he grabbed some fruit off the counter and retreated to the couch. He was told by his manager—and Jackson—to avoid the couch for the time being since it didn't put his spine in proper alignment as he was too tall for it, but Jaebum didn't want to go back to Jackson's bed just yet. Partly because he was sick of staring at the underside of Mark's bed but also because there was nothing to do in there and Jaebum was so _bored_. There was only so much he could do on his phone. He ate the apple quickly before carefully lowering himself onto the couch, tossing aside all the pillows to make sure he was lying as flat as possible. 

He had just turned on the t.v. when his phone started ringing. He glanced at the screen, not really planning on picking up since he didn't feel like talking to anyone, but he felt himself smile when he read Jackson's name. 

All of the members were worried about him and all of them wanted to do whatever they could to help him heal safely and quickly, but Jackson was taking it to a whole other level. He was even managing to out-mom Jinyoung. He had done so much research on spinal disc herniations in the last twenty-four hours that he could probably do corrective surgeries by now. 

He picked up the phone. "How'd it go Jackson-ah?" He asked, settling into the couch, the cool leather a nice change from the tropical temperatures of Jackson and Mark's bedroom. 

"We missed you." Jackson said wistfully. "Hyung, you should have heard it. The fans sang your parts so loudly. Mark cried like eight times."

Jaebum chuckled. "Did you cry too?"

"I admit to nothing." Jackson said. 

Jaebum smiled. "It went okay though?"

"It was amazing." Jackson said. "Would have been perfect if you'd been with us."

Jaebum closed his eyes, his heart aching. "Soon. I'll work hard and be on stage with you guys soon."

"Take your time, hyung." Jackson said softly. "We want you with us, but only when you're ready. Ahgase feel that way too; a lot of them brought 'get well soon JB' signs; Youngjae took pictures of all of them."

Jaebum nodded, even though Jackson couldn't see him, a silent promise to get better. 

"Anyway, we're on our way back to the dorm now. Did you need anything? We can pick up something on the way home if you want."

Jaebum didn’t need anything that the members could pick up at a store. “Thanks Jackson, but I’m okay.” He wasn’t okay, but Jackson already knew that. 

“Alright hyung, we’ll be home soon.” Jackson said gently before hanging up.

And they were home soon and the silence of the dorm was shattered as all of the boys crowded around him and told him stories and showed him pictures they’d taken from the show that night, probably trying to make him feel included but unintentionally just making Jaebum feel worse about the whole thing.

“Guys, we should let him sleep,” Jackson said eventually. “He starts physio tomorrow and he’s going to need to be well rested for that.”

And Jaebum thought that he couldn't feel any worse. 

≪ ≫

Jaebum was _not_ looking forward to physiotherapy. Partly because he had woken up in so much pain that _breathing_ hurt, but also because Jackson had warned him that when you started physio it usually always got worse before it got better. He knew Jackson'd had physio before for minor sports injuries during his career as an athlete so Jaebum trusted his words, but Jaebum honestly didn’t see how the pain even could get worse. 

He hauled himself to his feet, wincing all the way, and got himself dressed, which took an infuriating amount of time as he struggled to put his pants on. He was in a miserable mood by the time he left Mark and Jackson’s room and walked into the kitchen, not hungry but knowing he should eat something before he headed to the JYP building’s gym to meet his physiotherapist. 

He was surprised to find Jackson sitting at the kitchen table, playing with his phone. It was almost noon and Jaebum had assumed that the rest of the members would be out doing something. Jackson in particular was usually always scheduled somewhere. 

But he admitted that his mood was lightened microscopically when Jackson looked up and sent him a smile and a ‘morning hyung.’

“What are you still doing home?” Jaebum asked, eyeing the chair opposite Jackson and wondering if it was worth the effort to sit down and stand up again or if he was better off just standing for the next twenty minutes until he had to leave. 

“I’m coming with you this morning.”

Jaebum’s gaze snapped back to Jackson, who had turned his attention back to his phone again. “What?”

“We thought maybe it would be easier for you to go through your rehab if you weren’t alone.” He glanced up at Jaebum again. “And judging by that miserable look on your face, maybe we were right?”

Jaebum reached out to hit him, but ended up flinching when he tried to leaned too far forward and pain raced up his spine. 

Jackson’s face fell slightly, no doubt noticed the pain on Jaebum’s. “Plus I need to go to the gym today anyways. I might as well go with you. It’s always easier to work out with someone than by yourself.”

While that was true, Jaebum wasn’t sure he wanted anyone with him. If he couldn’t even lean over to reach Jackson he was certain that there wasn’t much he was going to be able to do and he wasn’t sure he wanted his friends to see him like that; particularly Jackson, who was arguably the strongest out of all of them.

Still, there was no stopping Jackson when he put his mind to something so the two of them loaded into the van and headed to JYP. His physiotherapist seemed nice and didn’t question Jackson’s presence at all as he talked through Jaebum’s treatment plan and what kind of recovery Jaebum should expect in the next few weeks.

It turned out that he wasn’t even going to be doing stretches yet. His spine was too vulnerable and they needed to stimulate the muscles a bit first so that they didn’t seize up completely and pull on his spine so hard that they bulged his disc into his nerves and rendered Jaebum temporarily unable to walk at all. They’d be starting with deep tissue massages instead.

Jackson had nothing he could to help with a massage, even though he joked about how he wouldn’t say no if the therapist had any time leftover at the end, so he wished Jaebum good luck and went elsewhere in the gym to get on with his own workout as Jaebum was helped onto the massage table.

It turned out that not only lying flat on his stomach painful—he had to lie with a pillow under his hips to elevate them and adjust the angle of his spine—but deep tissue massages were excruciating. His therapist told him that it would be painful as he tried to work out the tension of the muscles, which had clenched in response to Jaebum’s pain. He made sure that Jaebum understood the difference between muscle pain and nerve pain and that he knew to speak up if anything felt wrong.

With nothing better to do, Jaebum watched Jackson go through a circuit on the machines around the gym and chat with the other JYP artists and trainees that were sharing the space with him. Sometimes he’d looked over at Jaebum and mouth ‘how are you?’ to which Jaebum just responded with a pained grimace that made Jackson laugh. 

At the end of the massage Jaebum didn’t really feel any better or worse. His therapist warned him that he’d probably be in more pain later that night and the next morning was likely to be far worse and that he should be using heat strips and taking pain medication to manage it.

Jackson reappeared in time in order to hear that part and sent Jaebum a sympathetic look. “Want to stop by and get some chicken on the way back to the dorm? My treat. I’ll even let you get the spicy ones.”

That probably shouldn’t have made Jaebum feel better, but it did. And right now Jaebum would take whatever he could get.

**≪ ≫**

He was jerked awake when the front door shut loudly, followed by a muttered curse. It took Jaebum a minute to process who hadn't been home when he went to sleep. "Sseun-ah?" He asked tiredly. 

"Hyung, why are you sleeping in the living room? Are you okay?" Jackson asked worriedly as he entered the room.

Jaebum gave him a tired smile. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"What's wrong?" Jackson asked sitting on the coffee table next to him. 

Jaebum considered lying, or just glossing over it, but it was _Jackson_ and Jaebum didn't like lying to him. More importantly he didn't feel like he had to. Jackson has been there for so much of his rehab over the last past week Jaebum swore he was part of Jaebum's rehabilitation team. "I think I did too much today. My back feels tingly and my leg is weirdly numb and it's just…uncomfortable." He answered. 

"Have you put heat on it?"Jackson asked, looking worried. 

Jaebum nodded towards the heat strips on the coffee table next to Jackson. "It didn't do much." He sent Jackson a smile. "Stop frowning like that, I'll be fine. You should rest."

"Flip over." Jackson ordered softly. 

Jaebum blinked at him. "What?"

Jackson stood up. "Turn over. I'll see if a massage helps."

Jaebum hesitated. "Are you sure?" It wasn't that he didn't trust Jackson, but he was starting to get better and Jackson wasn't exactly trained in massage therapy. 

Jackson didn't look offended. "I asked your therapist if there was anything we could do if you're in pain between massages." He shrugged. "It'll be nothing like what he does, but it might help a little."

"Oh," Jaebum said, shocked at the lengths Jackson had thought to go to just to take care of him. How in the world would Jaebum ever thank him for this? He wasn't sure he'd ever had a friend who cared as much as Jackson did. He’d always known that, but he was only really now beginning to appreciate exactly how much time and effort Jackson put into caring for the people he loved. 

Without any more complaints, he slowly rolled over so that he was on his stomach on the couch, something he was now able to do without the pillow under his hips. 

Jackson took off all the jewelry he was wearing on his fingers and wrists before climbing on the couch, straddling Jaebum's thighs. "Let me know if anything hurts and I'll stop."

Jaebum hummed his agreement and then he felt the heel of Jackson's hand just to the left of the base of his spine before Jackson used his weight to press down, pushing his hand up alongside Jaebum's spine. 

Jaebum tried not to fidget. It didn't _hurt_, but it wasn't exactly making the tingling any better. 

"I'm obviously not trained enough to do any deep tissue work," Jackson said as he moved his hand to the other side of Jaebum's spine, repeating the motion. "But your therapist said that his might stretch out the muscle enough to release some tension on your spine, loosening the disc up so that it stops pressing against the nerve."

"Why did you ask him that?" Jaebum asked as Jackson changed directions, still using the heel of his hand but this time starting along Jaebum’s spine and pressing outwards towards Jaebum’s sides. 

"I just… I feel so helpless."Jackson said. "I hate seeing any of you sick injured, but you… You're Im Jaebum."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jaebum asked, amused as he started to relax into the cushions a little more as Jackson repeated the movements: up his spine, down his sides. 

"I don't know. You just…give off this aura that you're invincible. Like those broad shoulders can carry the weight of the world without any problems. I know that's not true, but seeing you in pain and looking so defeated hurts. You're always so strong that watching you struggle to just stand up is just really hard to see."

Jaebum thought about that for a moment. "It's an act, you know," he confessed quietly. "The strength. I try to act like I know what I'm doing, like I know that everything will be okay. I feel like if I act like that then you guys will be confident that it’s true. I feel like if I seem panicked when things aren't going well that it will just make you panic too."

Jackson’s hands stilled before Jaebum felt him squeeze his waist. "Hyung, we aren't kids. We're a team. You don’t have to pretend to be okay around us. We rely on you, yes, but you can rely on us too you know. We want to give you some of the support and comfort you give us."

Jaebum was starting to realize that. Youngjae had made sure that Jaebum's laundry was done without asking even though everyone knew how much Youngjae _hated_ doing laundry. Yugyeom and Bambam had started bringing things home whenever they went out, all kinds of things to occupy Jaebum’s time while he lay in bed and recovered—he was still working on solving a Got7 themed rubik's cube. Mark always turned off his games when Jaebum shuffled in to sleep on the couch, or offered to change games so he could play too. Jinyoung made sure he ate, always cooking and doing all of Jaebum's dishes for him too. 

And Jackson… Jackson had done so many things for Jaebum he didn't think he could even name them all. He helped Jaebum around the dorm, made him feel less alone by doing the stretches with him, made sure he didn't push himself too far, somehow seemed to know when Jaebum needed something before Jaebum even realized he needed and just made sure he was there for Jaebum. When Jaebum thought about it Jackson had really been his rock through this whole thing. Jaebum didn't know what he'd do without him. 

"Thank you Jackson." Jaebum said.

Jackson just squeezed his waist gently in response and continued massaging the muscles in Jaebum’s back until he not only started to feel better, but comfortable and sleepy 

A door and the sound of footsteps roused him before Mark's amused voice said, "I have no idea what you two are doing, but I'm just going to get water and then I'll be out of your way."

Jaebum hadn't really thought about how they looked but he supposed that Jaebum lying face down on the couch with Jackson straddling him, leaning over Jaebum with his hands on Jaebum's hips might look a bit compromising.

"Oh my god." He groaned into the cushion.

"That's not helping Jaebummie," Mark pointed out, his voice fading as he made his way into the kitchen. 

Jackson said something in Mandarin that made Mark laugh, the laughter fading as he made his way back into his room.

Jackson climbed off of him after that, taking a seat on the coffee table once more. “Did that help at all?” He asked, tilting his head to look at Jaebum.

Jaebum nodded and rolled over so he was on his back again, stretching languidly and relishing in being able to do so without pain and discomfort. “That actually helped a lot.” He said, sitting up. “Thank you Jackson, for giving me the massage, but also for caring enough to ask in the first place.”

“Of course, hyung.” Jackson stood and leaned forward to pinch Jaebum’s cheek before heading down the hallway to his room. 

Jaebum sat there and tried to figure out why Jackson pinching his cheek, an action that normally would have angered him, would have made him feel like a child, just made him feel strangely cared for.

Which was a pretty good indication to Jaebum that he needed to go to bed too.

≪ ≫

Jaebum had been wrong. He had thought that the members performing in a concert less than half an hour away from him and not being able to perform with them would be the hardest part of his injury but as sat in his room and listened to Youngjae yelling at Jackson to stop stealing his underwear because he couldn’t find any to pack he realized that he’d been wrong. The members were buzzing around the dorm, clothing tossed around as they looked for specific items they wanted, the bathroom counters considerably less cluttered as moisturizers and cleansers were packed. 

And Jaebum lay propped up on his own bed, trying to read and pretending that it didn’t bother him that the members were leaving for Shanghai in a few hours without him. It had been a week and a half since his injury and he had improved more than he thought he would in such a short period of time, but was by no means ready to dance or perform again. He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to handle the two hour flight from Seoul to Shanghai without pain and discomfort. 

Things had gotten better. He could move around and sit for short amounts of time without pain and he hadn’t had any numbness in a few days. He was able to get up and down from his own bed again, though mornings usually took him a bit of time and some stretching before he could do it without pain. He was in considerable less pain after therapy sessions and his therapist said he was making good progress. He still had no idea when he would be able to rejoin the tour though and as another concert was approaching, and would take place without him, Jaebum felt that same frustration and helplessness creep back in. 

He wanted to be with them. He _should_ be with them. He’d never lived in the dorm by himself and while he liked to complain about how there was no privacy and it was too small for seven men, he wasn’t looking forward to being there without his members. 

The door opened and Jackson slipped into the room, distracting Jaebum from his thoughts. He looked up from his book as Jackson closed the door behind him and brought his finger up to lips, silently telling Jaebum to be quiet.

Jaebum looked at him in confusion as Jackson fell to his knees on Jaebum and Youngjae’s bed, crawled up and collapsed next to Jaebum. “I’m hiding,” he whispered conspiratorially. 

“From who?” Jaebum whispered back.

“Youngjae.”

Jaebum shifted so he was lying a little flatter and rolled so that he was facing Jackson. “You’re hiding from Youngjae…in _Youngjae’s_ room?”

Jackson nodded, a half grin playing on his lips. “It’ll be the last place he’ll come looking for me.”

Jaebum couldn’t stop the laugh from bubbling out. “Our dorm is like four rooms. Even if this room _is_ the last place he’d look it would still take him about forty five seconds to find you.”

“Well that’s forty five more seconds of not getting yelled at.”

Jaebum sighed. “He wouldn’t yell at you if you stopped stealing his underwear.” He said pointedly.

Jackson just grinned. “Where is the fun in that?”

Jaebum laughed under his breath as Bambam ran down the hallway outside, asking if anyone had taken one of his many pairs of boots.

“I wish you were coming with us,” Jackson said out of nowhere, his tone serious and heavy and so different from the light-hearted teasing tone he’d used a mere moment ago. “It feels wrong to be leaving without you like this, especially since you’re still so...”

Jaebum found some solace that at least he wasn’t the one feeling out of sorts. He pasted on a smile. “You’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ll have so much fun that you won’t even notice I’m not there.”

Jackson sent him a strange look. “You’re kidding, right?” He asked. “In what world would I ever not notice your absence next to us on stage?”

Jaebum deflated a little. “I was trying to cheer you up,” he said after a minute.

Jackson shuffled a little bit closer. “What did I tell you about that?”

“That I didn’t need to pretend around you,” Jaebum replied quietly.

Jackson nodded. “So stop it."

Jaebum swallowed. “I don’t want to be in the dorm without you guys. I know it’s only a few days but this place will feel so empty without you and all the emptiness will just remind me where you are and what I’m missing and I’ll hate every second of it.” He ranted, feeling somewhat better just having said the words. 

Jackson looked pained, which was exactly why Jaebum didn’t want to say anything in the first place. He didn’t want to put any more of a burden on Jackson than he already felt like he had. “It’s just as hard for us,” he said. “Do you know how hard it was to get through the first shows? To act like we were having the best time of our lives?”

“You weren’t?” Jaebum asked, surprised.

“We were,” Jackson corrected. “But…it wasn’t the same. We kept forgetting to sing your part or we’d see something in the audience that we’d want to show you and then we’d remember all over again that you weren’t with us. We just don’t feel right without you there.” He met Jaebum’s eyes. “Which is why we’re all doing everything that we can in order to help you come back to us. Because you belong there, on that stage next to us. We’re not Got7 without our leader and we miss you. So promise me that you’re going to keep working just as hard so that you can join us as soon as you can.”

Jaebum smiled, feeling a new sense of determination to make back on stage with these boys he loved so much as soon as possible. “I promise.”

≪ ≫

Watching the boys pack their things and leave for the airport didn’t get any easier. In fact, it might have been even harder the next time. A week and a half after the Shanghai concert, the boys were flying off to Osaka. With every show he missed Jaebum felt even more frustrated, even more devastated. Because with every show Jaebum was doing better, was making progress, but with every show it just wasn’t _enough_. By the Osaka show he was essentially pain free and was able to go about his daily life as normal, but he wasn’t ready to dance yet. It was infuriating to _feel_ healthy but then to be told by his medical team that it wasn’t enough, that he needed more time.

He wasn’t mad at his doctors or his therapist. He knew they were only trying to make sure that he didn’t give himself a more serious injury, he knew that. But every time a concert was approaching Jaebum would get his hopes up and then would have them shattered when the doctors would give him that look and say ‘you’re not ready yet. Maybe the next one.’

He locked himself in their studio when he found out that he couldn’t do the Osaka shows, not even being allowed to fly over and sit on the side of the stage. He’d been so sure that he’d be ready to go. He’d felt good. He’d started light dancing again and he felt okay, but the doctors still told him no. Jaebum had only opened the door after Jackson begged him to let him in. They’d sat on the couch in the studio, Jaebum wrapped tightly in Jackson’s arms, and said nothing. There was nothing that Jackson could say that would make him feel any better and it seemed like Jackson knew that. 

Jackson always seemed to know when it came to Jaebum. No matter how shitty Jaebum was feeling, no matter how much pain he was in or how bad a day he’d had, Jackson just somehow always seemed to know what to do to make it better. Whether that was distracting Jaebum to get his mind off of whatever was bothering him or simply just holding him and not saying a thing. Jaebum had never realized before how grateful he was to have Jackson, but he was becoming more aware of that fact seemingly with every setback and every step forward. 

≪ ≫

He should be _excited_. Jaebum knew this as he sat in the dressing room backstage of the area in Bangkok. He was finally given the all clear to join the tour and he was _supposed_ to be ecstatic and overjoyed, and he _was_, but at this exact moment he found himself feeling something closer to fear than excitement. He’d been given the all clear to participate, but he wasn’t able to perform about half of the dances. And the ones he was given the okay for he had to be careful and not overdo it. His therapist told him what signs to look for that would determine if he needed to stop and sit out but he still felt uneasy, like halfway through the show he’d do something and have to be carried off stage, scarring all the ahgase in attendance.

He felt hands fall on his shoulders and squeeze lightly, “Hyung? You okay?”

Jaebum looked up at Jackson and saw Jackson’s eyes roam over Jaebum’s face before walking around Jaebum’s chair and pulling him to his feet. “Come on,” He said gently, lacing his fingers through Jaebum’s and leading him to the next room over that the boys used as a changeroom. He turned to face Jaebum, leaving their fingers intertwined. “What’s wrong?” He asked gently.

It was remarkable, Jaebum thought, how reliant Jaebum had become on Jackson. No, maybe _reliant_ wasn’t the right word. He didn’t _need_ Jackson, but just having Jackson next to him seemed to let him breathe a little easier. Just having Jackson look at Jaebum with such affection and love made nothing seem impossible. “I just… I’m worried that I’m not ready for this.”

Jackson’s eyes grew. “Are you kidding me? You’ve worked so hard for this. We’re all so proud of you.” He added, squeezing Jaebum’s fingers again. “There is no way the doctors would have cleared you to come if you weren’t ready.”

Jaebum knew all of that. Had been telling himself that over and over again since they left Korea the day before. They’d had an extended rehearsal the day before to make sure Jaebum was comfortable on the stage and knew where to find everything he’d need during the concert like water or towels. 

Jackson must have read his hesitation on his face because he said, “Just take it easy tonight then. Sit on the side for the whole show. The fans will just be happy to have you back.”

Jaebum thought about that for a second before shaking his head. “No, that would just make me feel worse. The fans waited so long for me to come back, I don’t just want to _sit_ there the whole time. I have to do _something_ to make up for the fact that I missed the other shows.”

“The fans don’t want or expect you to be perfect,” Jackson said. “They want you to be _healthy_ and they want you to be happy. Just seeing you in person is enough for them.”

“But it’s not enough for _me_,” Jaebum argued. “The fans waited for me and they’ve taken time out of their days and spent their hard earned money on tickets. I won’t give them anything less than my best.”

Jackson smiled fondly at him. “Then give them your best.”

Jaebum blinked, wondering how Jackson had somehow coaxed Jaebum into giving _himself_ a pep talk. He wasn’t nervous or hesitant anymore, but determined to show the fans that he was back and that he was okay. 

Something that Jackson had helped him with. Sure, Jaebum had been the one doing all the work and, yes, all of the members and their staff had been supportive and had all helped him in so many different ways. But Jackson’s contribution to his recovery had been invaluable. “Thank you,” he said, hoping his sincerity came through in his voice. “Thank you for everything that you did to make sure I got better. It would have been a considerably harder and more miserable experience if you weren’t there with me.”

Jackson laughed and shook his head, a surprised look on his face. “Hyung, I didn’t do anything.”

Jaebum looked at him incredulously, trying to decide if Jackson was being modest or if he was just an idiot. 

“Didn’t do anything? Jackson, you…” God, where did Jaebum even start? “Jackson, please tell me that you’re joking. Please tell me that you have _some_ understanding of how much all you’ve done for me means to me. How much I appreciate you walking twenty minutes to the pharmacy after a fourteen hour rehearsal just to by heat strips for my back. How much I appreciate you helping me with the stretches, how much I appreciate you just _being_ there whenever I had a shitty day.” He looked down at Jackson. “You really have no idea how much better you made everything just by being there for me.” He hesitated, unconsciously squeezing Jackson’s hand when he realized that now that he was better, Jackson might not hang around him so much. He'd become so used to Jackson just always being beside him over the last month and a half. “Please don’t leave me now.”

Jackson stared at him for a moment before his expression softened. “You’re such an idiot,” he murmured. Jackson raised the hand that wasn’t holding Jaebum’s and slid it around the back of Jaebum’s neck, using it to pull him in closer as his gaze dropped to Jaebum’s lips, his intention obvious enough. 

The gesture surprised Jaebum, but another part of his brain simply whispered _finally_. While he certainly didn’t expect that one day he’d be a literal inch away from kissing Jackson in their dressing room, he simultaneously felt like this had been building for as long as they’d known each other, Jaebum’s injury only being the catalyst that brought them closer to one another.

Jaebum's let his eyes drop to Jackson's lips. Speaking of closer to one another… 

The door opened. 

“It’s show—” 

Jackson pulled away and cleared his throat awkwardly as Bambam stood in the doorway, looking at the two of them with wide eyes. Luckily, this was _Bambam_ and there wasn’t much in this world that could phase him and apparently nearly catching his bandmates kissing wasn’t one of those things either. “Make out on your own time, hyungs. The fans are waiting; the show is starting!” He sang happily before turning and walking back the way he came just as the intro music came on through the speakers above their heads.

Jackson turned and looked at him. “I, uh, guess we should go.” He said, looking more awkward than Jaebum had ever seen him.

Jaebum nodded, taking Jackson’s hand and pulling him out of the room Jackson had pulled him into a few moments ago, finally feeling the buzz of adrenaline and excitement that he’d been waiting for as they made their way backstage, collecting their mics and walking onstage behind the wall that would open up and expose them to the fans.

The cheers were near deafening even though the fans couldn’t even see them yet. Bambam was literally bouncing, so excited to be performing in his home country; Youngjae and Yugyeom were laughing at the stupid dance moves he was doing, a highly exaggerated version of what the back up dancers were doing on the stage in front of them.

He looked at Jackson, who was standing next to him, and found that Jackson was already looking back at him, his expression so damn fond that Jaebum couldn’t resist. Couldn’t resist taking the two steps that brought him in front of Jackson, who looked surprised by the move. Couldn’t resist cupping Jackson’s face between his hands. Couldn’t resist lowering his face and giving Jackson the kiss that had been interrupted in the dressing room, despite the fact that the doors were going to be opening in front of them and exposing them all to thousands of fans in about thirty seconds. Despite the fact that there were so many people around them already, though in reality it was dark enough that only Jinyoung, who stood on the other side of Jackson, could probably tell with certainty what Jaebum was actually doing. 

Jackson pulled back first, blinking in surprise and looking so adorable that Jaebum couldn’t resist leaning in for one finally peck against Jackson’s lips before moving back to his place in the middle, a smile on his face as the doors began to slide open in front of him. 

* * *

**Lyrics:**

Close my eyes and think about you

My heart is beating

The beating is getting louder baby

More than half of my day is empty

The depth of my heart won't be filled

Getting bigger, deeper and wider

What I'm feeling right now is like before the sun up

I'm confused and lost

When my head is pounding, when I'm exhausted

You hold my worn out hand

You hold me warm and tight

I've always been running without looking back

Whenever I run out of my breath

Please be my sky

It's a beautiful sky

The sky is clear, like you

There is not a cloud

Because of you

The world feels different to me

My day's been rainy

Other people can't see my sky

I can't breathe, I can't eat, I can't sleep

I was completely destroyed before I met you

Now I'm okay, feel alright

Because you're within my reach

When I see you behind the clouds clearing up, I

I'm confused and lost

When my head is pounding, when I'm exhausted

Take all my pain away go away

My cuts get healed by your touch

I've always been running without looking back

When the reality hits me

Please be my guidance

It's a beautiful sky

The sky is clear like you

There is not a cloud

Because of you

The world feels different to me

You'll look up at the sky when you're happy

When it's hard, let your painful half rain

Tomorrow my sky will be full of you

I don't need anything but you, understand

Just like now, you

Just stay beside me

Look at me with warm eyes

Just like this

You wouldn't know this but

It's your existence

That keeps my breathing

Beautiful sky

The sky is clear, there are no such thing as tears

There is not a cloud

Because of you

The world feels different to me

**Lyrics by:**

Defsoul (JB) Mirror Boy, D.ham

**Author's Note:**

> I'M NOT DEAD! I'm so sorry that this took a month to post but I've sort of been consumed by this chaptered pirate AU idea that currently has over 10k words written for it already. So... let me know if anyone wants to read about Pirate7 and I'll post it whenever I finish this series. 
> 
> Also, I'm not a doctor nor do I have any knowledge about JB's injury other than the few articles I could find online (I don't even know if it was a herniated disc or if that was just mistranslated) but if it WAS a herniated disc then the internet told me that the symptoms and treatment I described in this fic are likely what he went through as he was recovering as they're the most common for herniated discs in the lower spine. As someone who suffers from a mild spinal condition myself, they fucking SUCK. The fact that Jaebeom was able to come back from a herniated disc in a month and a half is honestly impressive and I have much more respect for him after writing this fic. 
> 
> See you next time with Look. I will to not make you wait a month for it, but no promises.


End file.
